I'm Perfect

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Lol nah... Too lazy.

iphone user:*minding his own business*
android user:AHH look what we got here, another Apple Fanboy!
iphone user:im not really a fanboy
android user:let me guess, you just came back from snapchatting steve jobs's grave
iphone user:hey man thats in poor taste
android user:good luck getting your $300 jizz box to do what my Samsung G4TMX can *pulls out very large phone*
iphone user:it's quite large
Android user:you should see the stylus. it's a legit pencil! *tries to grab stylus, drops massive phone, it falls and lands on a chipmunk, breaking its neck*
iphone user:oh my god!
android user:oh my god is right! *picks up samsung* not a scratch on it. now thats some good engineering


is ellen even hosting or is she just hanging out with famous people

(via pendents)


my self esteem is going down i’m yelling timber

(Source: femalesbelike, via pendents)


when you see a cute boy


(via braydaaan)


long-distance friendships are terrible because you can’t meet up with them whenever you want and hang out on any given day which is why when i’m president i’m relocating the entire human population into a 10,000,000 story skyscraper that also acts as a bridge from earth to the moon which comes with the added benefit of swinging the moon around like a fucking mace, god damn it’s gonna look so cool. what was i talking about

(Source: flapwagon, via braydaaan)